To Wallow or Not to Wallow ...

The other day a friend posed the question of whether it was okay to wallow a bit when things aren't going right and you're feeling a little stuck from things that have gone wrong in the past. Her world seemed to keep saying to just move on, almost as if the dark times had never happened.  It's a popular opinion, but it doesn't make sense to me.

It's not like you want to stay in that place, but sometimes, even when you're sure you've dealt with all of whatever it is, sometimes, the same crap just shows up again.  It's grieving and weird things can trigger that fragile space.  A song on the radio, randomly running into someone you haven't seen in ages, weird stress about something completely unrelated, a particular scent ... all of those things have bounced me back in time to the places in my life where everything feels broken. 

My comment to my friend was that when you hit those spots, sometimes you need to wallow ... or remember or whatever else you want to call it. Otherwise, when the moments come when it really does feel like it's working right, it's not as precious.

Moving forward and living life to the full doesn't mean forgetting the things that have damaged me.  I'm stronger when I find the beauty in the brokenness.  Sometimes it's easy to see, sometimes it's not until the softening layer of time allows a different perspective when I take another visit to those damaged places.  Then, I can see how I grew from that place.

It's a pottery class lesson.  A few weeks back, my niece was attempting to make a mug during her second class using a pottery wheel.  As she tried to bring the clay back in again to shape the lip, it collapsed in on itself and the top portion slid down inside the wider bottom.  She was pretty frustrated, but as she looked at the clay spinning on her wheel, she realized that while it was never going to be a mug, it had an interesting shape.  Turns out, it's now one of her favourite pieces because, while that piece of clay was apparently never meant to be a mug, it makes a really amazing candle holder.

I'm glad my friend had the courage to ask the question because as I was thinking about my response, it made me realize how blessed I am.  I'm not in one of those fragile places right now, but I'm at a spot where I can look back and see how I've gotten here.  I know my brokenness, and I know that, right now, I'm in one of those precious moments where I can see that something beautiful has grown out of those barren places.  That's a priceless thing.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

George Santayana