I am a Writer

I am a writer. I have words inside that want to be shared. Words that deserve to be allowed outside in the fresh air. Words that should exist as something at least a little separate from their author, though they will still always be part of me even after they develop a life of their own.

I am a writer and one person's lack of care and respect for the words I had entrusted to them does not mean that everyone else on the planet will trample the pieces of my heart that are exposed in the words I write. I know that the words I write have the ability to change the world into a better place, whether they are read by many or only a few, or even if I am the only person who ever sees them on the page. I know this to be true because writing them down rather than holding those same words hostage inside me changes me for the better. The process of writing allows me to more fully be who I was created to be and transforms me word by word into the person I long to be.

Being a writer does not mean that I must earn my living from my words. I am still a writer even when I spend my daytime hours in cubicle land. I am still a writer if no one ever reads a word that I write. I am still a writer whether I write free flowing, stumbling, non-rhyming poetry or speculative fiction or children's stories or personal essays or even just in my journal that no one else sees.

I am a writer. It's not just what I do in my spare time, when the urge hits. It is an integral part of what makes me who I am. Writing brings me joy and peace and contentment in ways I can't find words to express. Even when writing makes me cry because the process has exposed those tender, damaged places I keep hidden from others and, most of the time, from my conscious self, I am a writer and I am stronger and braver and more whole after the words have been created on the page in front of me.

Other interests and passions may ebb and flow, but somewhere inside the need to put pen to paper ... or fingers, and lately thumbs, to keyboard ... is a constant in my life. I am a writer because that is who I am. While it feels nice ... Okay a lot better than nice, try fabulous ... when others, strangers or those I hold dear, acknowledge that I have words worth sharing and call me a writer, it doesn't actually make a difference in whether or not I am a writer. I am a writer even if I am the only one who knows that to be true.

Whether I write long hand using pen and paper in a bedraggled notebook carried every where I go, or whether words follow more smoothly typing on my netbook, or even if I’ve gone mobile and discovered that my smartphone keyboard is, for me, a perfect balance of the two at this moment in time, I am a writer.  The method, or the subject matter, or the style, or the size of audience … all of these things may make it harder or easier on ay given day for me to see myself as a writer, but none of these external things change the one simple, straightforward fact.  My name is Karen and I am a writer.

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Two extra bits …

Thanks Pace & Kyeli!  You were right.  I needed to say that out loud. 

I tried this last night but it got all "I should be a poem. That would be the RIGHT thing to be, if you’re really a writer." Foolishly, I listened. Then, the words got all tied up in trying to be what they thought they should be rather than what I needed to write for myself. While I got words on paper that may have been some of the "write" words, they weren't really what was in my heart. I didn’t throw them out, maybe there is a poem hiding in them somewhere, but they need some space to think. Once they’re willing to behave, and not try to be something they’re not, I’ll let them out of the corner and take a look. I’ll keep you posted if anything interesting happens…